“Little drops of water make a mighty ocean”
No one is perfect and no relationship is spotless, that is the solid truth. Everyone has a couple of habits he/she brings into a relationship, some of those habits are great and helps improve the health of the relationship while others are like cancer, slowly eating up the relationship from the inside until the relationship dies off if proper care and treatment aren’t taken on time.
Most habits aren’t particularly bad and do not possess the power to destroy the relationship instantly, it is the constant repetition of it that makes it bad and deadly.
Today, we will be looking at 22 dangerous habits that have the power to ruin your blissful relationship.
1. Blame pushing
Actions have consequences, and sometimes those consequences are not pleasant. What makes you mature, is owning up to the consequences of your actions. It’s only a child who does a thing and the blame is passed to the guidance. When you form the habit of always pushing the blame of what you did to your spouse, it will start building up anger and potentially hatred in their heart towards you. Which in turn will poison the relationship.
2. Not communicating
If you like your solitude too much, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Relationships are all about communication. Communication is the life wire of every relationship, it is what started the relationship in the first place. When you then make a habit of taking out such a vital component as effective communication from a relationship, you instantly put the relationship in a downward spiral to its end.
3. Turning blind eyes to serious problems
Turning a blind eye to a serious problem is the same thing as seeing a lion charging towards you and you simply look away, the lion will eventually under up feasting on you.
Every serious problem in a relationship should be treated with the utmost care and delicacy, one wrong move and the whole relationship will go up with a bang. So never make it a habit to overlook such problems, it is very bad.
4. Not making an effort
Too tired to stop at a store on your way back from work to buy something nice for your spouse like you used to do.
Always so busy that you never have time anymore to send in those romantic texts like you did when the relationship started.
When you make it a habit to not put in the extra efforts at keeping the flames of love in your relationship burning brightly, one day you will wake up and realize the love is gone and there is no spark left.
5. Extreme idealist
it is very much ok to be a feminist or masculinist, Democratic or Republican. But do not allow it to become too unbearable for your spouse, especially when you have a good spouse. It can be so easy for people to get carried away in their quest for equality or superiority that they forget their spouse isn’t the enemy. The enemy is out there in the world but they have taken the fight into their own relationship. It starts wearing down their spouse and becomes very toxic.
6. Always saying NO
Girlfriend: “Jimmy, can you help me with the groceries on your way back home?”
Girlfriend: “Jimmy, can you please watch the food on fire while I rush down to the store to get the last ingredient I forgot to buy?”
Jimmy: “Ok I will” (but he ends up forgetting and getting it burnt)
Girlfriend: “Jimmy I am low on cash, can you assist me with this bill”
Jimmy: “Sorry I can’t because I am saving to get the stuff I told you about”.
Relationships are about helping one another in times of need. When you constantly keep turning the person down whenever they come to you for help, it starts building up the feeling of disappointment within the person. That feeling of constant disappointment is very bad for a relationship.
7. Not giving
“For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son”
Relationships are not for those who can not give. If you have a habit of hoarding for yourself and never giving things to your spouse, It is very bad. You can’t claim to love someone and yet you can’t give to be a person.
No matter how many times you say the words “I love you” if you don’t back it up with giving, it is meaningless.
It isn’t always about the money, there are other ways you can give with minimal or no use of money.
8. Checking out other people
It’s no crime to see pretty women pass by or cool dudes stroll by or even be amazed by their beauties or finesse. But the moment you make this a habit, you become prone to actually cheat on your spouse. Realistically speaking, there will always be someone out there who is more beautiful or handsome, curvier or manly, smarter, and richer than your spouse.
What makes you matured is your ability to be contented with the spouse you have. Stop looking at the grass on the other side, it would always look greener until you get close.
I don’t think there is any adult on this earth who has never lied. If you know any, please tell me about the person in the comment section.
Lying is bad in a relationship, try to abstain from it as much as you can because it can be addictive. The moment you take the easy way out of a problem by lying to your spouse, it causes 3 things to happen
- You will have to lie further to cover the first lie when the need arise
- You tend to repeat the wrong you did because you easily got away with it the first time
- You start preferring to take the short cut out of an offense by lying instead of coming out clean.
All these 3 things spell DOOM to a relationship in the long term.
10. Always in Need
Abusing the love your partner has for you by always bombarding them with requests and demand is a really bad habit to have.
Learn to do things yourself and stop over-leaning on your spouse for your every need and whims. Such a habit is not only bad for the relationship, but it’s also bad for your partner. It has the potential to wreck the person financially, mentally, and emotionally. It is a very toxic habit in a relationship.
This is one habit that should be forbidden in any and every relationship. Abuse of any kind should not occur, let alone become a habit. You should never abuse the person you claim to love. If you do then it is not love.
Your spouse may find it in their heart to forgive you after you abuse them the first time. But the moment you make it a habit to abuse them at your will, their love for you dies at an alarming rate. Most times they may be scared to end the relationship. A relationship where one person is too scared to break up and the other person is a chronic abuser, anything can happen(unusually not good)
12. Not listening
A person can tell if you are only hearing but not listening. It is very annoying when you are talking to someone and they pay no attention to you. Frequently not listening to a person gives the impression that you don’t care about their opinion. It will cause the person to start drifting away and withhold information from you.
Soon there will be nothing to discuss in the relationship other than how did your day go for formality seek.
Focusing all your attention on your work with little or no regard for the unrequited love of your spouse is a bad habit. Everyone needs money, even the relationship needs a level of money. That shouldn’t mean you have to bury yourself in work.
Whatever you focus your attention on will blossom, when you take your attention from your relationship and pour it all on your work, you will most likely excel in the work but it will come at the price of your relationship and even your own health. Finding the right balance is key.
Jealousy itself is actually a sign of love, what corrupts it is the frequency and intensity. Getting jealous over every slight move your partner makes or compliment paid to them can be very suffocating.
Making this a habit won’t show them you love them. Instead, it will scare them a lot and chase them away from you.
“To err is human and to forgive is divine”
No one is perfect, there are times where your partner will do something that will seriously hurt you. It is very important that you make a decision right there and then to forgive them or leave the relationship. Staying in a relationship where you hold grudges against the person is not good.
16. Trying to fix the person
This ain’t a fantasy movie or fairy tale story, your partner is not a broken toy that needs fixing (*whispers: I most confusing, some people need all-round fixing). Stop trying to fix someone who is contented with the way they are. Most times, fixing up a person is selfish. You will try to fix the person into what you deem as perfect not what the person wants.
17. Over compromising
This is similar to taking alcohol, there is no harm done when you take it occasionally, in fact, it actually helps your body at such rate. But the moment you start taking it too much over a long period of time, it starts deteriorating your health.
It is ok to compromise once in a while on some issues, but the moment compromise becomes part of every decision making in the relationship, it starts making the relationship very exhausting and unbearable.
Who likes to be compared with someone else? Though we most times compare ourselves with others, it is still very annoying when others do it especially when we are the lesser half in the comparison.
When you make it a habit to constantly compare your partner with your ex or other people who you feel are better will cause your partner to be insecure. The more you compare, the lesser you will love your partner.
19. Not appreciating
Ingratitude is never a good habit, both in a relationship and in our personal lives. The habit of not properly appreciating a good deed to was done to you by your spouse is a bad habit.
No matter what the person does, it is never good enough for you. Even if the person was to buy you the best car or complete all your chores for you, you still won’t thank the person.
Making a habit of that bad character will cause your spouse to stop going the extra mile for you, after all, you won’t appreciate it.
Complaining over every little thing is a terrible habit that should never be allowed. I once read a story on Quora of a guy who stood up and left a girl on their first date because she had been complaining of every single thing that has happened from the moment he met her to the moment he stood up to leave. One can say he dodged a bullet.
Life is unfair, shits happen, life doesn’t go according to plan most times, we all know that. Life is also very short, so instead of complaining about everything wrong, why don’t you do your best to make lemonade out of lemon and be happy.
Complaining and whining will not change anything about the situation, it will only push people away from you, including your spouse.
21. Keeping secrets
Relationships are all about openness and transparency, when you start keeping secrets, it starts creating darkness in the relationship. If you know what you are about to do will not sit well with your spouse, you better not do it rather than do it and keep a secret.
The more secrets you keep, the higher the chances you will lose your spouse the moment they find out.
Another habit that is very bad in a relationship is vengeance. Instead of forgiving and starting on a clean slate, the person chooses to get even by doing exactly what the spouse did or even worse.
This type of habit plunges the relationship into a vicious circle of vengeance that will only end up hurting both parties greater than they ever imagined possible.
Thanks for reading, leave a comment below on your thoughts