This is a really touchy topic and an over-researched one. Do you know that 50% of marriages fail within the first 5 years? and statistics also show that 78% of the reasons why marriages fail within the first 5 years fall within these 4 major reasons.
Most couples about to get married, spend majority of their time together showing each other how much they love them and how much they mean to them, but after getting married they start losing focus on the vehicle (love) that got them there and start focusing on other things that suddenly seem more important.
Cheating, domestic violence, etc. are some major problems, not just marriage. But relationships in general. These issues aren’t listed in this article but below are some other major reasons why marriages fail, and solutions to them.
Reasons Why Marriages Fail
- Lack of effort
- Seeking perfection
- Pretense during courtship (Dating)
- Societal stigma
1. Lack of effort
The first reason why marriages fail is due lack of effort. When we initially fall in love, we exhibit all or most of the 5 languages of love comfortably, we use words of affirmation to tell them we love them, we spend a lot of quality time with them, we tell them we love them by acts of service, we show love by physical touch and also by giving them gift regularly.
When you speak all or most of the languages of love, one must be the language of your spouse, but after marriage you still love them but you tend to focus on the language you are most comfortable with. I hope I didn’t lose you there.
Let me give an example:
John is a businessman who fell in love with a ‘work-from-home’ mum Rosey when he went to Chicago for a business trip. Over the course of their relationship, he calls when he can, he also spends quality time with her every week on his free day and showers her with gifts, because to him, she’s a queen and she deserves the world. Eight months later, they get married and 6 months after their marriage, he gets promoted to become the zonal manager in his office. He is achieving his dreams and he is glad he is achieving it with the love of his life.
He realizes that he would be too busy and won’t have time for quality time, he decides that he would shower her with more gifts to show he still loves her. But to Rosey his queen, she doesn’t really care about the gifts, she just wants to spend some time with her husband, she tries to tell him about it, but there’s no change. Over time, she would begin to resent her husband’s job even if it brings lots of money and ultimately she would start resenting him too.
When John notices the change in her character, he will think she is ungrateful; after all, not many men out there can carter for the whole family without support from his wife and still shower her with gifts. The two of them start growing apart even though they both loved each other in their own way.
If only John had realized earlier that Rosey’s love language was quality time, he wouldn’t have been faced with a dying marriage. It’s very important for us to know our love language and the language of our spouse, it will allow us to love and be loved in the way we want thereby improving the love in your marriage.
Identify your spouse’s love language and communicate that you love her through it. Just imagine for 1 minute that your spouse knows the right way to love you and is constantly making efforts to love you through that means. Wouldn’t you feel like the most loved person on earth?
2. Seeking perfection:
Another major reason is seeking perfection in a spouse. Before marriage, you were cool with him/her but after marriage, everything becomes an issue. He/she doesn’t chew right, the toilet seat is always down, his beard s look bad on him, her hair isn’t quite right, his/her jokes aren’t funny anymore, nothing seems right anymore.
It’s a known fact that NOBODY is perfect. That means that neither you nor your spouse is perfect. The sooner you accept this, the better for you. There’s always going to be flaws your spouse has. Here’s what you’ll do; for every flaw you pick out, find one good quality your spouse has. For example: ‘I don’t like the way he/she eats mangoes’, find a good quality like ‘He/she is very kind’. ‘He/she is too stubborn’, find a good quality such as ‘he/she always has my back. This will help you get over this issue.
Recommended Article: What is The True Meaning of Love.
3. Pretense during courtship (Dating)
The third reason why marriages fail is pretense in courtship. It’s not a new fact that people can go to lengths to impress the one they love, most times in the quest to impress, they take up a whole new personality that is so distinct from their real self.
For example, a person who hates domestic work may tidy the house of their spouse several times during courtship but after marriage, the mask falls off and their real nature shows. At this point, it’s not that they don’t love you anymore, it’s just that they can’t keep up with the charade anymore.
My advice to you is, always be true to yourself. Even if you want to go to lengths to prove you love him/her, always make it known to them that you don’t usually do that.
4. Societal stigma:
In most places, the societal meaning of marriage is the coming together of a man and a woman to raise a family. The man does all the hard work and the wife cleans and takes care of the home.
Once a couple gets married, they then begin to assume the role society has set for them and then begin to forget that marriage goes beyond what society has set for you. When we get too busy trying to fit in roles curved out to us by society. we forget to keep working on the main bond of the marriage. its one of the reasons why marriages fail
There are only two people in a marriage; you and your spouse. Stop doing what society wants you to do and work on your marriage. Talk to your spouse, working on your marriage requires efforts from both of you. Find out what works for your marriage and hold on to it.