You just broke up with your boyfriend Or just ended things with your long-term spouse, and instead of parting ways, you both decide to take one last ride.
What is the logic behind having sex just after a breakup? After all, a breakup signifies the end of the road to a relationship. So why are more and more people deciding to have sex even after reaching the end of the line? Is it something you should consider doing as well?
To correctly answer all these heavy questions, we will have to fall back to science, facts, and expert opinions.
Reasons why people have breakup sex
A team of researchers at Evolutionary Psychology decided to do a little digging on breakup sex, to understand the psychology of it and its driving force.
What they discovered, paved the way for what we now understand about breakup sex and the reasons for it.
During the course of the research, 292 reasons for breakup sex were discovered. The researchers narrowed it down to 52 main reasons, namely;
- Sex is fun
The number one reason why people have breakup sex is that sex is fun. They see sex as fun and not something scared or special. They engage in breakup sex because it is fun.
- Miss Sex
Some people have sex after a breakup because they miss having sex with the person. Or will miss having sex with the person, so they are willing to do it again.
- Want to get back together
Others have the notion that they could jump-start the relationship by having sex one last time. The last effort to win the person back. But it doesn’t always bring them back, and when it does bring them, it has a very high chance of breakup.
- You miss them/miss each other
This is someone you have been with for a long while and have grown fond of the person. You start missing the person the instant you know its a goodbye, so they do it one more time as a consolation
Loneliness is another strong reason why people engage in breakup sex. They try to fill that void with one last wild sex.
- Still have feelings
The feelings don’t just die once the breakup happens. It is still there and those evergreen feelings have to be responsible for people having breakup sex
- Knows what the other likes
Some persons cited the reason why they had breakup sex is that they wanted to know what the other person likes if it’s different from what they looked in the relationship.
Of course, this should have been anticipated. Drunkenness has led people into doing all crazy stuff, including sleeping with their Ex just after a breakup.
- Still in love
Love is also a leading cause as to why many have breakup sex. They still haven’t gotten their new ex out of their heart and body.
After breakups, people try to find closure to any unresolved feelings or questions they may have, and some use breakup sex as a medium to get that closure.
- You’re comfortable with the ex
Even though you both just literally broke up, you still feel comfortable and friendly towards the person. Having one last sex doesn’t sound so bad anymore.
- Sexual tension
High sexual tension is another lead cause of breakup sex. The tension could develop rapidly and within seconds you both can go from parting ways to parting the sheets.
- Show them what they are going to be missing
Some people admitted they used breakup sex as a means to show their Ex what they will be missing from now on.
- Can’t move on
People who are still stuck on their Ex and are finding it difficult to let go, find solace in one more ride under the sheets.
- Final goodbye
This doesn’t come as a surprise. Goodbye sex is always hot memorable. That’s the reason why some people have breakup sex, to say goodbye in a beautiful, memorable way.
Passion is another underlining reason why many have breakup sex. Even with the broken hearts, they still feel a deep passion towards their spouse and are willing to have sex after the break up as a means to blow the steam off
Boredom has also caused its share of breakup sex. Some of the participants acknowledged that they had breakup sex because they were bored
- To feel better/sadness/fill an emotional void
Some admitted they tried to use breakup sex to fill the void they fill inside that was created by the breakup.
- Try to get over the person
Using sex to get over someone is rarely successful unless the person is comely sloppy in bed. But some people still tried using it
- Don’t want to add to the body count
Apparently, not wanting to add to the body count is actually a popular reason why some persons had breakup sex. Still trying to wrap my head around that one.
Other reasons why people engage in breakup sex
- It is easy
- Have sex for the last time
- Broke up for reasons other than feelings
- See if there are still feelings
- Because you can
- Regret the breakup
- View them sexually/physical relationship now
- Needy/satisfy needs
- Get back on the market
- To take back power in the situation
- To tell people that you did
- Didn’t mutually end the relationship
- Needs attention
- Other people do it
- No STD risk
- Think they are your best option
- Opportunity came up
- Feel connection again
- Feel love
- Forget about breaking up
- Afraid to seek out a new relationship
- Confusion about the breakup
- Better than before
- They act like they miss you
- No idea
Is breakup sex a good idea? (Professional opinions)
Now to the matter of if breakup sex is a good idea or not. In my quest to find the perfect answer to this mystery, I found the opinions of 6 unique experts, which I would use to attempt to find the truth behind the worthiness of breakup sex. Read carefully
Dr. John D. Moore, PHD (a licensed psychotherapist and cognitive behavior specialist) explains breaking up as part of an ongoing process and having sex during such a process could help in letting go of the person.
Kate Moyle, (a psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist) says breakup sex could help couples let go of their inhibitions in some way as they are detaching from their partner.
Samantha Burns, LMHC, (a relationship counselor and author of Breaking Up And Bouncing Back), believes just because you broke up, doesn’t mean your feelings or attraction to one another disappears overnight. Implying having breakup sex isn’t a foreign concept, and should be expected.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Ph.D., (a clinical psychologist and author of Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love) doesn’t agree with having sex after a breakup and clearly states that “If you really want to get closure, you have to “close the door” to your bedroom”
Dr. Rachel Needle, (PsyD, co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes in Palm Beach, Florida) “You might feel good at the moment, but oftentimes, that feeling doesn’t last,”
Dr. Holly Richmond, (a certified sex therapist in New York City): “For breakups that end in a completely mutual understanding, having sex can be a beautiful, connected ending”.
From the cited professional quotes above, it is clear to see that 4 out of 6 professionals do not oppose breakup sex, on the contrary, they believe breakup sex could even help both persons to find closure and aid ease of moving on.
The remaining 2 oppose such an act, citing the sweet feelings associated with breakup sex usually turns sour after the act is over and it can’t help you find closure.
Because no generally accepted verdict has been given to the issue of breakup sex, you alone can decide if it is worth your time and energy or not.
Remember, the whole world is doing it doesn’t make it right. The whole world once thought the earth was flat.