Welcome to another wonderful session on healing broken relationships. Today, we will be focusing on forgiveness in a relationship. There are so many beautiful relationships that have unfortunately ended because one or both parties couldn’t forgive.
While some relationships are currently on the verge of breaking because a partner couldn’t see past the hurt they feel. In this article, we will be helping such a broken relationship by teaching the partner how to forgive in the relationship.
Importance of forgiveness in a relationship
The truth is, each person is unique and different, no matter how similar a couple may seem, there are always going to be differences. Even twins have differences. It’s only a matter of time before these differences start showing up and causing chaos in the relationship.
At such a point, forgiveness is the only way forward. Forgiveness is like a bridge between a relationship present and its future. In times where one person commits a river of crime in the relationship, its only forgiveness that can take the couple over the river of crime to its future.
Forgiveness is also important in a relationship for the individual’s health. Unforgiveness has a way of choking up a person from the inside, piling heavyweight in the person’s mind, and creating a dark demeanor which is bad for the health. Once you forgive, it frees your mind and clears out every bad energy stacked up in there.
Without forgiveness in a relationship, the relationship would be
- Filled with bitterness
- Filled with anger
- Packed with sorrow
- Full of vengeance
- Very dangerous and life-threatening
- End untimely
Steps of forgiveness in a relationship
It’s no more a bone of contention on the importance of forgiveness in healing a broken relationship. But the problem still remains that not everyone knows how to forgive their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend for their wrongdoings.
Here is an actionable step by step process you can use to learn how to forgive in a relationship.
- Hear the offender out
The first step to forgiveness is actually to keep quiet and hear the one who offended you out. I know you may be fuming with anger and might hate every word that comes out of the person’s mouth at the point.
But you have to calm down and hear the person out first. Hear what the person has to say. Did they really do it? You do not want to be caught angry for something that never happened. Are they sorry or just trying to defend themselves? How and why did they do it?
All these questions are important in the forgiveness process. Hear the person out, let them explain themselves. You might be shocked by what you would hear.
- Vent out all your pain
The next step to forgiving is to vent. After you have heard all the person has to say, it’s time for the person to hear you out. It’s time for the person to know exactly how what he/she did is hurting you. Be very vocal about how you feel, pour out all the hurt and anger you have pent up inside till you have nothing left hurting you on the inside.
While being very vocal about how you feel, be careful not to abuse the person in any way. Two wrongs can never make a right. So be vocal and respectful at the same time.
Ensure you express exactly how you feel on the inside and try to make the person know just how deep the cut was.
- Give it time
Are you familiar with that saying “Time heals all wounds”? In this case, it is completely true. After all those emotional outbursts from both sides, it’s to give it a little time for the dust to settle.
There is no universal time stamp of how much time is required for healing to take place. It all depends on the crime committed by the person and how deep the cut is.
It’s worth mentioning that there are some crimes that may cut too deep that might instantly mean the end of the relationship. But you have to still forgive the person for your own peace of mind.
- Make your demands
This is another very important step in your journey to forgiveness. When a person doesn’t learn from the pain of the past, the past is bound to repeat itself. The process of forgiveness cannot be complete without you having a semblance of hope that you wouldn’t have to go through such pain again.
So it’s time you make your demand clear that you don’t want a repeat again if you are to forgive him/her now. Make it clear what you want before you forgive the person.
Think of anything you want the person to do that will help you forgive properly and feel better. Is it a simple apology or for the person to do something hard?
- Let go of ALL the grudges
This is the final stage of forgiveness in a relationship. At this point, you will be feeling a lot better and might have already forgiven the person verbally. It’s time you search your heart for any remaining grudge or hurt or bad energy that might be hiding under any vein and get rid of it. You have to consciously decide to let go of all those hurts.
One way to know if you have truly forgiven the person is when you no longer feel pained when you remember what the person did. When you have truly forgiven the person, you will only remember how much it hurt you but will no longer feel the pain when you think about it.
If you still haven’t truly forgiven the person, vent out more and give it time till it completely leaves your heart. Once it’s completely gone, you just successfully learned how to forgive in your relationship
Thanks so much for reading to the end. You can read more on this series Healing Broken Relationships for more tips on saving a dying relationship. We hope to see you soon. You can get to know us better on Quora right now