mending broken trust in a relationship

Healing Broken Relationships Series – Mending A Broken Trust

I decided to write my first blog series. It’s a huge step for me and it’s about time I take the step. The reason why I chose this topic is that I realized there are probably over 10 times more broken relationships in this world than the good ones.

Just one person could have up to 5 broken relationships in their quest to find the one that is right. It’s almost like a never-ending circle of broken relationships.

In this series “Healing Broken Relationships”, we are going to be discussing healing a broken relationship by mending a broken trust. Covering things like, what trust means in a relationship, how trust is broken, and the healing process of broken trust. So if you are interested in how to mend broken trust, read to the end.

Trust in a relationship

Trust in a relationship simply means the unwavering belief a person has for his spouse in a relationship. It is also important to note that trust can take any form. For example, your partner can trust you will never cheat on them and at the same time, trust you won’t find it difficult to lie to him/her on other matters.

When your spouse says they trust you, it’s important you know what areas the person is talking about, it will come in handy.

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How trust is broken in a relationship

Don’t worry, I won’t try to complicate a seemingly simple matter. There are generally two ways trust is broken.

·      Consciously

Just like the name implies. Trust can be broken when a person is fully aware of the action he/she is about to take goes against what his/her spouse trusts them for. They still end up doing it regardless of how hurt they know their spouse would be when they finally find out.

This form of broken trust hurts the most because the person was fully aware that it leaves a big hole in the heart of the one who loves them dearly. But they still go-ahead to do it.

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·      Unconsciously

Another way trust can be broken is by a simple mistake or an unknowing action. Here’s how it works. Your partner has a core value he/she loves about you and you are unaware of it. One day, something happens and you decide to change that value for a brief moment, totally unaware of how it would affect your partner. It ends up breaking the trust they had for you in that area.

The other way this plays out more commonly is through actions taken under intoxication. When a person is intoxicated on a substance or drink, he loses conscious control of his actions, and at moments like these, he can easily break the trust of his loved one.

How to mend broken trust in a relationship

Every relationship is truly different and unique, what works in one relationship may not work in another. Especially something as delicate as mending broken trust in relationships. That’s why I will be giving you key guidelines that would work in a general setting.

But I will advise after reading the steps, you find a way to personalize them to match your relationship perfectly. It would work much better that way.

1.  Remorse

The first step of mending trust in a broken relationship is to feel remorse for what you have done. Note, I didn’t say show that you are remorseful. I specifically said, “FEEL REMORSE”.

While you are in the process of mending broken trust, you can’t afford to be caught in a lie. It’s either you feel remorse or you don’t. When you are truly remorseful, it would show by itself.

Even though the person might never tell you upfront at that moment. The truth is, it matters a lot if you are remorseful for what you did. It is the first step in the person’s healing process of a broken relationship.

2.  Apologize with words

For the next step, you have to apologize from the deepest part of your heart. Let the person hear it clearly from your lips how sorry you are for what you have done. Be very vocal about your apology.

“I am sorry” these words may seem little, but it has the power to stop a world war. In this case, it can claim the raging fiery of your scorned lover.

If you are really remorseful for your actions, your partner would easily know you are truly sorry and not just saying it because you think that’s what she wants to hear.

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3.  Apologize with actions

Yes, you are remorseful. Yes, you said you are sorry. Those are important steps in mending a broken trust but you still have some work to do.

“Action speaks louder than words” I am sure you have heard that phrase before. It is 100% true when healing a broken relationship because the person might be too hurt that your words can’t be trusted either.

At such a point, you have to show you are sorry for breaking their trust in you through your actions. This is where you have to customize yourself to fit your relationship.

Only you know what will easily touch the heart of your spouse. So use that information and find a way to show them you are truly sorry for what you have done.

I am sorry

4.  Assurance

The next step of mending broken trust in a relationship is giving solid assurance of the new you. At this point, you have learned your lesson and have promised yourself never to repeat it again. Now it’s time to assure your spouse of that same thing.

First, use verbal assurance. Tell the person what you have decided. Make a promise to the person to never do it again. Ask for a second and final chance.

Secondly, make the person an offer they can’t resist. By this, I mean set a befitting punishment that should be given to you if it ever happens again. You can go as far as never to forgive you again and possibly breaking up the relationship if you repeat it again.

Lastly, you have to start living with the promise you made. Take conscious actions that will ensure you NEVER break the person’s trust in you again.

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5.  Time

“Time heals all wounds”. You have done all the hard work, now it’s time for you to be patient. Give the person time to heal from the broken trust. What you did was to seal the wound with medication so it can heal faster and better.

But just like every wound, the deeper it is the harder and longer the healing process.

All you can do right now is to wait and see how well the wound will heal. In the meantime, you have to keep caring for the wound by ensuring you never go back on your promise.

One last thing, just like a wound usually excrete some waste/ liquid, be ready to endure the reaction of your partner while they heal