After giving your whole heart, body, and soul to one person. Giving the person your all, loving the person more than you ever loved yourself. And instead of getting love and loyalty in return, what you get is heartbreak, betrayal, cheating, rejection, and abuse.
Such experiences have a way of making you turn your heart away from love and in some cases make you hate the world. You are scared to love again, you don’t want a repeat of the past. The person seemed so perfect at first but turned into something else. Soon enough you would realize you do not want to die single just because of someone who clearly did not deserve your love. The problem is, you don’t think you are capable of loving again, and you need help with that.
So today you will be learning to love again and getting over the hurts of the past.
Steps to learning to love again
Learning to love again can be achieved by following these steps
1. Feel the pain
The first step of learning to love again is where many people get it wrong. Most people try to block out the pain or bury the hurts. Doing such will only make it grow into a monster and cause you to 10x the pain in the future.
The right thing you are to do is to allow yourself to feel the hurt. Cry if you must, scream your lungs out if you feel like your chest is about to explode from the pain. Chop down firewoods if it would help you, stroke golf balls into the sky if it can help strike out the pain.
You have to let all your emotions flow out and not block it in any way. Think of the person and what the person has done. Just make sure you never do anything life-threatening while letting your emotions flow.
2. Drop the pain and pick the lesson
You can’t keep sulking forever, at a point you have to realize your life has to keep going. Work is still needed to pay the bills, you still have to go to school and smash those grades to become better. So after all those venting and letting the tears out, the next step of learning how to love again to take note of the lessons from the bad experience and drop the pain like a ball of hot potatoes.
In order to really drop the pain, you have to truly FORGIVE the person. Forgiving the person has very important benefits you can’t afford to miss out on. Here are some of it
- It gives your heart room to heal completely
- Gives you the chance to be happy again
- Forgiving others is the key to making God forgive your own sins.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should allow it to repeat again so it’s time to learn how to prevent repetition.
In your quiet time self-reflect on some signs that warned you before the time of the tragic heartbreak but you too blinded with love to see. Pen those signs down because they will be in your guide in the next relationship you enter.
3. Rediscover yourself again
Most times, in the course of being in a bad relationship, most people tend to forget who they truly are. They get lost in trying to change their selves so much to fit into the relationship that they end up forgetting who they truly are.
Learning to love again would require you to know who you are and love yourself for who you are first before loving another person just as much.
So take a walk out of your comfort zone, dip your barefoot into the sand, take a deep breath of fresh air, and start trying new things. Also, try the good things you loved before the relationship.
Try some new foods, play some music you previously didn’t like, say hi to some old friends you shut off because of your relationship.
If you need more help in rediscovering yourself, read this: 4 Ways to Rediscover Yourself After an Unhealthy Relationship
4. Bring down your walls
Not every guy has the right tools to break down those high walls you built up because of your past hurt. In movies and storybooks, we always see how a prince charming would come along and tear down those walls.
But in reality, most prince charming won’t have what it takes to do it and a frog might just hop right over it.
So take down the walls, and use the lessons from the past broken relationship to help filter the frogs from the real prince charming.
If you have followed all the steps carefully, when next love walks into your life, your heart would be ready to love again. But it might still panic when love comes, that doesn’t mean it’s not ready to love again. It only needs a little morale boost from your mind to love again
If it doesn’t panic, then HURRAY!!!!!!! You will fall straight in love with the person.
I hope this was helpful in making you get over the fear of love and you finally learned how to love again.