Relationships are great and all, but when the relationship reach the end, it’s best to count your blessings, cut your losses and move on with your life to better things and a better partner.
When you have finally decided it’s time to break up, finding the right way to break up may pose an issue.
How you feel towards the person at this point determines how you will breakup
If you still love the person and have empathy towards him/her then you should consider using a nice approach
If you don’t care anymore about the relationship or the person, then you can use the Not-so-OK approach
But if you are completely scared of the person or very pissed off, then you can try a nasty approach. But I have to warn you Dr. Joshua Klapow a clinical psychologist – behavioral scientist said “A cruel breakup can forever change the trajectory of a person’s approach to relationships,” so before you decide to break up with someone in a nasty way make sure that is the only possible way and you are willing to stomach the fact that you are about to cause irreversible damage to another human being
Nice ways to break up
Breaking up doesn’t have to be messy or unnecessarily painful, you can have a nice, respectful, and decent breakup through these ways.
1. Polite confrontation
A Face-to-face formal breakup is one of the best ways to break up with someone whom you once loved. Tzlil Hertzberg, LMHC an expert in mental health and a specialist in relationships said “Face to face interaction is an important piece of a dignified breakup,”
Breaking up with the person verbally in their presence implies you respect the person enough to face him/her with the hard truth instead of cowering away or faking it.
Meet up with whoever you want to break up with, after exchanging pleasantries, tell the person you want to break up as short and direct as you can.
It’s best to meet the person at a neutral place, where the person can’t coerce you into staying back.
2. Breakup Letter
Letters have a long affiliation with love and romance. It just gives a deeper feeling and connection. It is also a romantic way to break up with someone you once loved.
To make the letter more soothing, you can start by writing about how the person made you feel at the beginning, then progress to slowly dropping the bomb, remember to sound remorseful, as it would help the person process it easier
Here is a sample of a breakup letter;
Your love shines so bright, and even in my darkest hours, you guided me with your light. You showed me what love really means and what it feels like to have someone by your side through the thick and thins of this life
I know I will end up regretting this for the rest of my life, but it’s time I let you go. Things are beginning to fall apart and I fear it is my fault.
I rather you remember me with beautiful memories than with painful ones when things crumble. I know I promised never to make you cry. Well, this is me keeping that promise. One drop of tears in exchange for an ocean of tears.
Maybe someday our paths shall cross again when the world isn’t falling on us.
3. Taking a break
“I think we need to take a break”
We all have heard of that infamous phrase. It’s used when the relationship becomes too much for the person to bear or the spouse is coming on too strong.
The break can be for a few minutes to forever, depending on when the person feels ok to get back into the relationship.
What makes it such a nice way to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend is that it spares the person much pain and gives hope at the same time. You are not outrightly asking for a breakup, you just want a break from the relationship and possibly return when you feel better.
The person is more likely to grant you the break time without pressuring you than an actual breakup. Because he/she would know that pressuring you at that point might warrant an instant breakup.
After taking the break for a week or more, you can easily ask for a complete breakup and it would have minimal damage compared to the instant breakup.
On the brighter side, during the break, you may realize you still want to be with the person, going back would be a lot easier than going back after a breakup.
Not so ok ways to breakup
These ways of breaking up rest on the border of good and bad.
Relocating is a very good, less painful way to break up with anyone. It gives the person closure, even though it still hurts, it still saves the person a lot of pain.
“Out of sight, Out of mind”
Long-distance relationships have a notorious reputation of failing, add that to a relationship where one person already wants out, it’s a breakup for sure.
Though this is a little expensive and an extreme way to breakup, if less painful at any cost is what you are looking for, then you should try this.
5. Slow fade
Do you want to break up without asking for a breakup directly? This method is for you. Slowly stop doing things you ought to do in your normal relationship. Start from the little things that won’t be easily noticed to the bigger ones so that before the person can understand what’s happening, the wide drift has already formed and a breakup is imminent as one side no longer wants to put in the work.
For example, start by stopping things like
- Texting at odd times,
- Saying I love you multiple times a day without being asked,
- Occasional acts of love
- Sacrifices you usually make
to more noticeable things like
- Not visiting as much
- Forgetting to call
- Less intimacy
- Reduced or no attention to the person
This will be hard if the person you wish to breakup with is very emotional because once they catch wind of what’s going on, they will use the emotional card against you and try to win your heart back. While the less emotional types would typically talk about it a few times and start preparing themselves for a breakup.
6. Breakup Call
A Breakup call is not a nice way to break up but it’s definitely not a nasty way either. Make a similar call and pull the plug off the relationship within a minute or two.
Don’t get too chatty or stay longer than necessary, doing that gives them hope of winning you back.
An example of a breakup call:
Spouse: Hello, baby what’s up?
You: I’m doing ok, how’s your day going?
Spouse: *brief story of the day’s highlight
You: I have something important to tell you
Spouse: what is that hun
You: I can’t continue with this relationship, I want out
Spouse: *confused and tries to get you to stay or meet up first
You: I am sorry, I can’t stay any longer, I will be at your place later to get my things
You end the call…
Nasty ways to breakup
These are cruel ways to break up with someone. Be it your girlfriend, boyfriend, or even spouse, these ways do leave a permanent scar on them.
This is one badass nasty way to break up with someone. I strongly recommend you never cheat on anyone because it can mess up a person mentally. With that being said, let’s proceed.
To end a nasty relationship with a nasty breakup, you can cheat on the person with someone new or someone close (it hurts the most) and allow your soon-to-be-Ex to catch you in the act or find out.
This method should never be done on purpose because not only does it guarantee a breakup, it also leaves a deep scar on the person’s soul that may never heal.
A blindsided breakup is a surprise breakup performed when the other person thinks everything is going great. It leaves the person with so many questions and little to no answer. The shock of this breakup lasts a long time.
On Monday, everything is fine between you and your spouse, you even picked the person up after work and spent the evening in each other’s arms, and on Tuesday, the person asks for a breakup without giving you any tangible reason.
This breakup style is usually used when the one asking for the breakup is no longer happy in the relationship but has been pretending to be fine for a while.
Ghosting has been a controversial way of breaking up with someone. Most experts seem to disapprove of it. The likes of:
Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D. Associate Professor of Psychology “You should realize that if your ex chose the strategy of ghosting to break up with you, it likely tells you something about them and their shortcomings, rather than indicating that the problem lies with you.”
Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D. a psychologist said “Ambiguity is the real dagger in ghosting and it is a form of silent treatment akin to emotional cruelty”
Dr. Andrea Bonior, a clinical psychologist in Washington who said “Most people have a sense that it’s kind of wrong to do it for any kind of relationship that was more than just a date, ”
Even with all the hard warnings and red flags from experts and doctors, a survey conducted by YouGov with a sample of 1,782 adults in the US showed that 30% has been ghosted before.
If you are among those who feel it’s a better way to break up, then here are the steps on how to ghost someone.
- Pick up all your things at the person’s place in secret,
- Block the person on all communication mediums, change your cell number if need be,
- Avoid places the person could find you at, consider laying low at a new location if need be
- Enjoy your life free from the person
Blinding breakup is best used when the person is violent or super creepy and your life is at risk in the relationship.
10. Text message
Breaking up with someone through text messages is a very cold breakup strategy. There is just something about it that gives a horrible and cold shoulder feeling. It kills any hope of getting back together and it doesn’t leave any room for the persons to defend themselves
According to Chelsea Leigh Trescott a breakup coach, the only times it is ok to break up through text message is
- If you are in an abusive relationship
- Or you have an anxiety disorder
- Or even in a codependent relationship
But if you are in a romantic normal relationship, this isn’t the right breakup method.
Here are a few breakup text message templates to guide you in yours
“I’ve done everything in my power to make this relationship work, but staying together is no longer a possibility. To get clarity on this situation and heal myself, I’ve decided that I can’t be with you any longer or engage in conversation either. This is what I need for myself.” – Leigh Trescott
“#the person’s name# it has been nice knowing you, thanks for all the beautiful memories, but I no longer see a future between us, so this is a goodbye and I wish you all the best of luck”
“After all we have been through and all I have sacrificed for you and us, this is the only way you could repay me. It is time I cut my losses and move on to someone better and more deserving of me. Goodbye #the person’s name”.
11. Cross their line
Every person has their cardinal rules and every relationship has its unique boundaries/lines that are never to be crossed.
The fastest way to get an instant breakup is by crossing those uncrossable lines. It is a very nasty way to break up but it is also the quickest.
The main question is “How far are you willing to go to end the relationship?”
There are some lines in life that are never meant to be crossed because the consequences far outweigh the reward. So before using this as a breakup strategy, you must be willing to accept the consequences.
I once read on Quora about one of the sickest ways a girl broke up with a military guy *full disclaimer, this is an unverified story, though it still portrays our message.
A woman once sent a video of herself being naked with seven younger men in her bed to her husband who was serving in the military, telling him she has moved on from him, and to make matters worse, he watched it in front of other military personnel. They had to take away his gun from him and monitor him for a while to ensure he didn’t harm himself
What she did was a very nasty way to break up, and she did it by crossing a dangerous line, not caring for how he might react to it.