Getting into a relationship is a lot easier than staying in it for a long time. In these present times, the lifespan of relationships keeps getting shorter. So short that anniversaries should be a daily celebration as many relationships do not last for a full year. One can say with almost absolute certainty that the secret of a long-lasting relationship has been lost in time.
However, once in a long while, we find a couple who; have been in love for years, raised a family together, and somehow, still manage to remain happy as they both grow old. The mystery still remains— how did they do it? Or was it just sheer luck?. Well, before we look into the age-old secrets to a long-lasting relationship, let’s take a close look at why most relationships fail.
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Reasons Why Most Relationships Fail
There are a million reasons many relationships fail, but I’ll briefly address just three.
1. Entering relationships for the wrong reasons
It’s like a stampede. Almost everyone wants to get into a relationship as fast as they possibly can. Due to this rush, they end up jumping in with the wrong persons or for the wrong reasons. Some enter into a relationship because of sex. Some, out of peer pressure or because their friends think he’s the perfect man/woman. Others for the attention.
2. Lack of tolerance
Many people still have this notion that a relationship is a bed of roses. To an extent, they’re right. It’s actually a bed of roses, but roses have thorns and so do relationships. When the initial hot flames of love cool in a relationship, the couple begins to notice the flaws of each other. Arguments begin to erupt and because they both want the perfect version of each other the fell in love with, they refuse to tolerate each other’s flaws. Gradually, the love starts washing away and they think it’s time to hit the road, not truly realizing that there’s no relationship without a bit of tolerance and compromise.
3. Poor communication
At the early stage of a relationship, lovers can’t stop checking on each other. Texts, calls, dates, and other forms of communication are very high at this stage. As the relationship progresses, communication slowly thins down. What we don’t realize is that healthy communication in a relationship can go a long way in keeping the hot flames of love in a relationship.
Secrets To a Long Lasting Relationship
Now the secret of a long-lasting relationship. In order to have a long-lasting relationship, one must build a relationship with the right pillars and foundation. Just like a building or house, if it’s not built on the right foundation and supported with strong pillars, that relationship will collapse sooner or later. So here are the pillars and foundation for a long-lasting relationship:
Love is the foundation of every relationship. Whether the love is deep or slight, it’s the main reason a relationship kicks off in the first place. When you love someone, it’s easier to make an effort to keep them in your life.
However, as the relationship grows older, love seems to get smaller and gradually gets replaced by responsibility and duty. It becomes tiresome at this point If you try from the onset to ensure that the flames of love never dies, it becomes very easy to remain in that relationship. The weight of the responsibility that comes with a relationship becomes lighter. Love is one of the secrets of long-lasting relationships.
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Trust is one of the pillars of every relationship. It is the assurance that you can vouch for your partner any day, any time, knowing that he/she is capable of doing or not doing a particular thing. Many great relationships are built on trust.
There is an aspect of trust I want you to understand now. When we meet someone new whom we know nothing about, they start telling us about themselves, either through words or actions. It’s based on this that we form an opinion about them— whether we like them or not.
When we eventually start dating or even get married to that person, we still hold on to those initial opinions. Trust is built on those opinions.
“My boyfriend can’t cheat on me”
“My wife can’t cheat on me”
“He can’t stoop that low”
When the person starts changing from these opinions, that’s when the trust starts dying. In order to avoid this, it’s better not to pretend or lie in the first stage of getting to know each other. They should love and trust you for who you are. Trust is one of the secrets of long-lasting relationships.
It’s one of the pillars of every great relationship. Communication has two sides— the healthy and unhealthy communication.
Keeping in touch at least daily, telling your partner all about your day, your feelings, and even little details, are things that should be fundamental in every relationship. When communication between partners flow properly, it encourages growth. Communication is one of the secrets of a long-lasting relationship.
“Meet me halfway”— This is a pillar. Every great relationship has a bit of compromise in it. When both parties are headstrong in their different opinions and values, it’s time for a little compromise. You have to be willing to make some adjustments for the one you love. Compromise is one of the secrets of long-lasting relationships.
It’s a pillar. To err is human, to forgive is divine. No one is above mistakes. The earlier you start accepting that, the easier the forgiveness process will be. There will always come a time in every relationship where your partner would really push you to the edge. Accepting that no one is above mistakes and truly forgiving them is the only remedy that’ll make that relationship last longer. Forgiveness is one of the secrets of long-lasting relationships.
As a couple, it’s not just you anymore. You have to start acting and speaking like part of a whole and not just as an individual. Your statement should include more of “we”, “us” than “I”, “me”, especially while making future plans. Not considering your partner in your future plans means you don’t see them as part of your future. Also, consider setting couple goals; something you can both work on as a couple. It would help strengthen your bond. Togetherness is one of the secrets of long-lasting relationships.
Honesty and trust go side by side. Two peas in a pod. Honesty is a key factor that should exist from the onset of a relationship. Honesty fosters trust. Do not lie about who you are, especially in the “getting-to-know-each-other” stage. This is because that stage is where your partner builds a mental profile of who you are. Later on, if they find out that what you told them or the part you showed was a lie, it would really hurt them and plant the seed of doubt in their mind. This seed may grow and make them doubt other things you say.
There’s no need to lie. Just be honest. You might think a little lie won’t hurt but one day, you’ll lie over something that’s trivial to you but means the whole world to your partner. That ‘little’ lie would end up creating a great rift in your relationship once they find out. Honesty is one of the secrets of long-lasting relationships.
Just like buildings and homes come in different shapes and sizes, so do relationships. What may work for your friends may not work for you. So you have to build your relationship as you and your spouse prefer, using the pillars and foundation discussed above, to achieve a long-lasting relationship. Drop a comment if you have any questions or contributions. Thanks for reading!