If you are worried about who should text first after a first date, this would mean you have moved from the nerve-racking but extremely rewarding journey of asking them out on a date to successfully planning and preparing for a first date

Great job!

But the thing is, after what seems like a successful first date, you are currently at a loss and wondering: “should I text after a first date?”. 

Perhaps you are asking these questions because you don’t want to be too obvious or make the wrong move that could ruin the chance of seeing your love interest again. That is understandable. In this post, we will answer who should text first after a first date and what message to send.

Who Should Text First After A First Date Answer Revealed

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Who should text first after a first date is YOU, if you want to, or your date if they wish to. Tricky answer, right? It’s likely not what you were hoping for but let me explain why you shouldn’t overthink making the first move. During the date, you both had conversations or even went to places where you both had fun. Over the course of these activities, chances are you would know if they enjoyed the date (through their body language) and if they would love to hear from you again. Overthinking who should reach out first would cause you to not act on what you have learned during the date and miss the opportunity to build a relationship with an amazing person.

Also, while you are worried about texting first, they might be fretting about the same thing without making a move. And that is a mind game that could snuff out the chances of a second date or anything else on both ends.

Finally, keep in mind that there is no laid-down rule which says that the a specific person  must text first. 

Anyone can reach out first with, if nothing else, a “thank you” text.

How To Figure Out Whether You Should Text First After a First Date

To help you decide if you should text first, here are some things to consider:

  1. Focus on Courtesy
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Courteousness never goes out of style. Rather than worry about who should text first after a first date and what to say, focus on doing the polite thing which is to send them a message thanking them for the day. Let them know that you got home alright, ask them if they got home okay, and show them that you appreciate the time you both spent.

With this move, you also open up the possibility of making a new friend even if they decide not to go ahead with a romantic relationship. And even if they don’t respond to the text, they will remember you for being polite and caring. No harm, no foul, right?

  1. Consider Your Date’s Personality

Did you perceive your date as shy? Do they like someone to make the first move? Reflect on the personality they exhibited during your first date to gauge if they are a sharp shooter who will reach out first. 

Or instead, if they are likely hoping you will text first because they do not know what to say or if you enjoyed spending time with them. 

  1. The Outcome of the Date

Was it a nice date? Did the conversation flow well or was it awkward? The outcome of the date should help you whether to send them a message. 

If you enjoyed the date, it makes sense to text first to let them know you had a great time and build the foundation for a second date. Who knows? They might be waiting to hear from you; you don’t want to leave them second-guessing if they made an impression. However, if you text them and don’t get a response that might be your cue to move on. In either case, you find out upfront if you have a future together.

On the other hand, if the date ended on a bad note; maybe they did something inappropriate, you can choose to not text at all and cut off all communication with them. Another scenario: if the date did not go well because your energies did not match, it is best to be upfront about it and let them know politely that a second date is off the table. 

Related post: What Women Want On A First Date, A New Community Survey Reveals

  1. How You Feel
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Ultimately, the only person who knows whether to text first or not is you. Did you find them attractive? Do you want to see them again? Then, there is no point holding back.

Go ahead and let them know how you feel after the first date instead of starting endless mind games on who should text first or not. Never allow them to assume, guess or doubt how you feel about them. If they feel the same way about you, they will text back. 

Related: 18 Dating Tips For Real Men In Love – 2020

Tips for Texting After a First Date 

  1. Timing 

Texting at the right time is key to getting a genuine response that reflects what your date feels about meeting you for the first time. 

When is the right time? Anything between an hour to twenty-four hours after the date is fine. Waiting longer than twenty-four hours sends the wrong message, and they could think you did not enjoy their company. If the two of you delay texting, you can imagine what you will both be thinking.

It’s important to mention that nothing is set on stone. If they don’t text within twenty-four hours, it’s possible that, they might have gotten carried away with critical activities happening around them. Texting them within twenty-four hours will remind them to express how they feel.

However, if they don’t text back for weeks, this cancels the possibility of starting a relationship because it signals that they are not interested. 

  1. Words

Knowing what to say is as important as knowing when to say it. Keep the message simple and to the point. It could be something like:

 “I got in okay, and I hope you did too. Today was amazing, I still can’t believe you burst into that song right there in the restaurant! It was awesome, and I enjoyed our time together. Let’s do this again if you are interested.”

You don’t need to list all the things you like or dislike about them and it is certainly not the time to send them specific plans for another date. It is simply the time to show appreciation, let them know you enjoyed the date, ask if they got home alright, and put it out there that you are interested in moving forward.

  1. Don’t Play Games
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Sometimes, most people are so thrilled by the attention they get during the first date that they confuse it with having a genuine interest in their date. Take a few hours after the date to reflect if you want to go ahead to know them more. 

Ask yourself important questions like do you share a common interest? Are they who you want to be long term? Do you want a second date with them? Do their values align with yours? 

If your answers lean towards friendship rather than a romantic relationship, tell them. 

If you are uncertain about what you want, let them know ‌you would like to go slow or end it (when your uncertainty borders on a ‘No’). This is because it won’t be fair to say you are interested in moving forward after the first date and then change your mind along the way. If anything, they will appreciate your honesty even if they are hurt at that moment. 


Anybody can text first — whoever tells you otherwise is merely projecting their experience and stating rules that don’t exist. You can pick up the phone now if you have considered that it is the courteous thing to do and other things like your date’s personality, the outcome of the date, and how you feel. 

Moreso, we have given you some texting tips that will help smoothen the way. Stop overthinking and start texting!

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