Relationships are meant to be an immense source of joy and happiness in your life. They are meant to fill you with so much love that your heart could literally boost out of love. Relationships are meant to be a safe haven in this dark world filled with tons of negativity.

The moment you start becoming unhappy in a relationship, the relationship stops giving you joy and starts filling your heart with a lot of resentments, anger, bitterness, and lots more.

The first step in changing the unhappy relationship is to ask yourself this question “why am I not happy in my relationship in the first place? Most times, people can’t seem to pin the reason why they are not happy in their relationship to a particular reason.

That’s why today, we will be looking at some very common reasons that cause unhappiness in a relationship.


1.  Dead love

You would be shocked to find out how many relationships you see every day and admire that no longer has love in them. Love in a relationship is the greatest source of happiness in a relationship. The second the love dies, the happiness in the relationship is cut short.

Most couple still stays together after the love is dead for a lot of reasons, some being:

  • Children
  • History
  • Respect
  • Reputation
  • Obligations

If you are not happy in your relationship because of the love is dead, there is good news for you. Tons of couples who also had the same issue have learned how to successfully reignite the love. You can also learn it yourself here It Doesn’t Have to be Boring – How to spice up your relationship

2.  Unhappy with life

This is another very common reason why you may not be happy in your relationship.

  • Unfulfilled dreams,
  • Life regrets,
  • Failed expectations,
  • Business-gone-bad
  • Wasn’t what you expected

These are just a few reasons why you may be unhappy with life. When one is unhappy with life, unhappiness tends to sip into other aspects of their life. It takes the form of transferred aggression that’s why it is really difficult for the person to spot it without someone else pointing it out.

I can personally testify to this because, at a point in my life, I was very unhappy with almost everything in my life and the slow pace at which things were moving that it started to rub off on my relationship. Lucky me that my girlfriend was patient, caring, and completely understood what was happening and helped me through it.

unhappy man
sad man

3.  One-sided love

There is an illusion that those in a one-sided relationship usually have. The illusion is that their love is big enough for both of them as far as the person never leaves. But the moment it starts to sink in that they were just living in a fantasy and their love isn’t big enough for the big enough for them both, the love turns to unhappiness.

The longer you stay in a one-sided relationship, the deeper you will get unhappy when you realize your love will never be reciprocated.

Have your question “why am I not happy in my relationship” being answered? If no, keep on reading.

Understanding One-Sided Love – 4 Ways to Deal With It in a Relationship

4.  Boredom

Boredom has been a key player in a lot of chaos in this world. In marriages, boredom has led to many divorces because the bored partner went to look for the new thrill from new lovers. Or the bored partner simply wanted out before seeking for fun somewhere else.

Boredom in a relationship can lead to gross unhappiness. It has the ability to turn a once beautiful relationship into nothing but a mess of unhappiness.

Why you need to be extra careful with this reason is, a bored person is usually restless to find something exciting and that is usually what causes the end of the relationship if the excitement is sought outside the relationship.

5.  Abuse

This is a really dangerous reason why you may be unhappy in your relationship. When a relationship is filled with abuses (not just referring to physical abuse), it defiles everything a relationship upholds. It causes instant unhappiness in the relationship.

No one is ever happy being abused, even a child who is scolded or spanked would cry really hard and if it continues, the child would always be unhappy around that person.

The same thing applies in a relationship, when a spouse is constantly abused verbally, emotionally, or physically, that person would become unhappy in that relationship. So if you are wondering why you are not happy in a relationship, if the relationship is abusive, it might just be the reason.

Read up: Ending a Toxic Relationship, and What To Do After

6.  Comparison

Unhappiness 101. Comparison in relationships is the fastest way to get unhappy in a relationship. In fact comparison, in general, is the fastest way to get unhappy in life. Swiping through Instagram and you see steaming hot female bodies and comparing them with your own body. Or comparing your relationship to another relationship you think it’s better than yours.

Such comparisons will definitely make you unhappy in your current relationships. While unknowingly to you, your relationship is by far the best and the other couple is just acting up. But you will end up ruining your relationship that is very much better.

unhappy relationship
rolling tears

7.  Tired of trying

Have you ever tried so hard for so long to make something work and it ended up looking like it failed? You ended up wasting your time, energy and all your shattered hopes and dreams. Such things ends up leaving you exhausted and totally unhappy.

That is the same feeling you get when you have spent over 80% of your time in the relationship burning your energy and resources on trying to make your relationship to work. Only for you to finally max out and get tired of trying.

When you get to such a moment in the relationship, you would become unhappy in your relationship. Whenever you think of the relationship, it fills you with regrets and unhappiness.

It Doesn’t Have to be Boring – How to spice up your relationship

8.  Found a lover

Wondering “why am I not happy in my relationship?” Ask yourself these simple questions first. Has another person other than your current spouse begun to creep into your heart? Have you been thinking of someone else more often than you should? Have you developed feelings for someone else?

These questions are crucial in discovering if you have become unhappy in your relationship just because you found a new love.

When you start developing romantic feelings for another person while you are in a relationship, it can cause you to be very unhappy with your current relationship. Which will in turn lead you to end the relationship if you aren’t careful.


Like I said earlier, these are just some common reasons why you may not be happy in the relationship.

If you still strongly feel that none of these listed reasons matches your current situation, you can send me a private mail at or join our Quora space and ask thousands of our followers for their opinion.

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