Getting the girl of your dreams to be your girlfriend is no easy feat. But you did it and convinced her to give you a chance.
You’re over the moon, imagining the good days ahead—the first date, adventures, fun outings, and wild moments together.
But instead, you notice she is really shy around you. It’s a hard crash from your imagination and now you can’t help but ask yourself, ‘why is my girlfriend shy around me?’.
The thing is, shy girlfriends love differently. They could hold the most engaging conversation in one moment, showering you with a massive amount of love and care. And in the next moment, find it difficult to do the same or give you a peck.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. In this post, I won’t only tell you the most likely reasons why your girlfriend is shy around you, but I’ll also give you possible solutions to stop your girlfriend from being shy around you.
5 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Is Shy Around You
Here are 5 possible reasons why your girlfriend is shy around you
- You Are Her First Boyfriend
If you are your girlfriend’s first boyfriend, then this is the most likely the reason why she is so shy around you. It is very natural for her to feel this way, considering that she’s new to the dating world and likely out of her comfort zone.
Usually, this shyness doesn’t last long and within a year, she should be more confident and comfortable around you.
Related: What Women Want on A First Date
2. You’re Stifling Her
No one wants to hear this, but your behavior toward her could be the problem. Are you bossy and always trying to impose things on her? Are there certain standards you’re directly or indirectly trying to get her to live up to? Things like these could make any girl shy around you. Why?
People react to oppression in different ways. While some will stand and fight, others will back down and retreat into their shell. Regardless of which response your girlfriend chooses, being high-handed and controlling is a toxic trait you should drop. And working on yourself will help you not just become a better boyfriend, but a better human.
3. Trying to Hide Imperfections
Another reason why your girlfriend is shy around you could be because she’s not comfortable showing you her flaws or making mistakes around you. She can be very active and open around her other friends, but with you in sight, she freezes up.
If that’s so, it’s time to bare yourself. Show her your imperfections and reassure her that hers won’t change how you feel about her.
4. Naturally Shy
If none of the reasons above match why she’s shy around you, then she might just be a naturally shy person. It’s her personality and there’s nothing wrong with it. As I mentioned in the first reason I gave, you just have to be patient. With time, she’ll warm up to you and get to show more of her amazing sides you didn’t know.
5. Low Self-Esteem or Confidence
If your girlfriend has low self-esteem or confidence, this could make her feel shy around you and others. This is really a delicate matter because your attitude toward her can either make her lose more self-confidence or help her gain it back.
To understand if she has low self-esteem, here are some signs to watch out for:
- Feeling embarrassed to ask for help or for what she needs
- Doubting her own opinions and deferring to other people’s choices
- Constantly says negative things about herself.
You can read more on the signs of low self-esteem and how to build it up here: 11 Signs of Low Self-Esteem
How to deal with a shy girlfriend
These are 5 ways to deal with your shy girlfriend and get her to be less shy around you:
- Stop Trying to Control Her
Even the assertive person can’t stay or thrive with a controlling boyfriend. Don’t deprive yourself of the chance to have a shot at happiness with your girlfriend. Admit that you have a problem, make a conscious effort to allow her to make her own decisions, give her the support she needs and watch the magic happen.
If you can’t do any of this, let her go so she can find someone that deserves her. But if you’re willing to work on yourself, the article below has some good tips on resolving control issues.
Further Reading: How to Stop Being Controlling in Your Relationship
2. Let Her Know You Have Imperfections Too
Tell her stories of your most embarrassing moments, your failures, and your insecurities, then ask for hers. The point of all this is to let her know you are also human and filled with imperfections.
Have a deep conversation with her exchanging deep secrets and then make her understand that individually you both may not be perfect, but that’s what makes each of you unique. And as long as those flaws are not toxic, it’s fine.
3. Be More Sensitive To Her Triggers
When you have a shy girlfriend, you have to be careful about what triggers her timidness and insecurities. For example, if she’s insecure about her body size and you make hurtful jokes about it, it will cut her deep and would reduce her self-confidence, making her more withdrawn around you.
But if you pay her more compliments, show her reasons why she’s beautiful the way she is, or even help her achieve her body goals, it will eventually get her to love her size and become more self-confident.
4. Get Help From Her Best Friend(s)
Even though your girlfriend is shy around you, there could be someone else she is more open to and shares her problem with (usually a best friend). You need to identify that person and talk with them to understand the real reason behind your girlfriend’s behavior.
Who knows? You might even get some effective tips that’ll help you draw your shy girlfriend out of her shell.
5. Take It Slow
Getting your girlfriend to be less shy around you can take time, but with gradual steps, it should work. Try to draw her out of her shell slowly by engaging her in activities that would encourage express herself more often. Don’t rush her or force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do.
I’d suggest that you start small, like taking her to places that are a bit private. When she is completely comfortable in that type of environment, you can then take her somewhere more public. Keep repeating until she’s more expressive and less timid.
And that’s it on why and what to do if your girlfriend is shy around you. Remember, the key to making her less shy around you is to stop controlling her life and decisions. Show her it’s okay to have flaws, be more sensitive to her triggers, and enlist the help of her close friends. Above all, be patient throughout the process. Eventually, she’ll open up and become more comfortable around you.